I don't believe in time.
Time is supposed to be a constant, but I feel like I am living through these months at a pace unprecedented by anything else I have experienced. You often hear people say "Wow, break went so fast...Wow I can't believe summer is over....etc etc". It's a bit like that but living over here lends an additional aspect into the equation...it seems like an escape, a dream, a unique, unrealistic adventure. Everyone and everything I once found familiar and personally identified with is gone. Everyone and everything here is so new, I might as well be on another planet. It's hard to explain, and I am not quite sure how to articulate it.
But I have been able to distinguish the last ten days or so from this fog. Since I got back from London on the last day of March, life has been a very frustrating whirlwind.
As I told some of you, I really am daring myself to dream that I will be able to stay here in Dublin all summer. This is something that I was at first reluctant to undertake, as I knew it would stress me out considerably, be difficult, put all other plans at a standstill, and also have no guarantee of materializing...thus I would potentially be wasting my precious time here chasing a pipe-dream. After really thinking it over for a few weeks in March, I realized it was what I wanted, and I would spend all summer in NJ tearing my hair out if I didn't at least try.
Here's what needs to happen for me to stay here:
Get a JOB in Dublin. Find a summer SUBLET for my house in the Brunz. These two words have been on a constant loop in my mind for the past ten days.
I just yesterday received my acceptance into summer housing, so I have accommodation, pending my finalization of my place by May 1. This "finalization" and transfer of funds by John & Nance is facilitated ONLY when I have acquired said JOB and SUBLET. (These are the terms I came to with my parents). What a freakin tease that letter is to me now, but at least it is something.
Don't say the R-word
How does the recession affect me? Well, I'll tell you. I like to think I'm a competent human being, maybe with occasional mental lapses here and there, most likely in a proportional relationship with my drinking habits. Yet I'm sure you would all agree that (despite my shortcomings), it is undeniable that in all other ways I am a canvas of perfection. You know this, I know this.
Hence my frustration.
I have applied at...wait for it.....eleven potential employers. Eleven. 11. ELEVEN. I've tried mostly restaurants, pubs, nightclubs, but have broadened my horizons to retail/sales associate (which I LOATHE), beauty products, even being a freaking tour guide. I am killing trees giving out my CV to all these places.
I have gotten two interviews.
One: I am sitting across from a glossy-eyed bimbo, also one of the tannest people in Ireland. I was reminded initially of one of my high school teachers that was addicted to two things: statistics, and tanning. We called her the "Leather Boot" and I sometimes wondered during class if her unnaturally weathered brown face was going to crumble into pieces and fall onto the projector.
Bimbo says, "Well, right now we only need Friday and Saturday nights, 11pm to 3:30-4 in the morning...and...the higher your skirt is, the more money you'll make!" She giggled at me and I tried to trigger a smile in an attempt to once again gain control of my face that had automatically gone all wide-eyed and startled looking. I flashed her one of my signature bullshit $miles I normally reserve for the never-ending supply of assholes I have encountered through my years as a waitress. A $mile that hopefully reassured her I wasn't judging her or this classy establishment.... In my head it was another story: 11-4 in the morning!? Only on the weekend?...those hours suck...holy shit, I'm in a brothel...As I looked around, and Bimbo went on about meeting the owner just to make sure everything checks out with my paperwork, I realized: Oh no, this is just another "classy" (read: shameless) Dublin nightclub...a.k.a. a club with dark corners (for doing dark deeds...right my Bals?) juxtaposed by some bright purple lights and a smooth marble bar...3 floors of this debauchery stacked on top of each other.
But as it turns out, she called me in the afternoon and apologized saying she gave the spot to someone else...that in the summer they will have more spots and she'll keep in touch. I guess I shouldn't be too offended.
The second interview I went on was today, and the manager was great...Except he couldn't hire me until I finished exams, since right now he needed Tues, Wed, Thursday late nights. These are the 3 days I can't work. I need a job now so that place goes on the back-burner and essentially out the window.
I hate the fucking r********.
I am trying to keep my spirits up, stay optimistic, hopeful etc. If anyone wants to live in my ballin G-UNIT house in New Brunz over the summer, hit me up too. I have ads on Craigslist and Uloop.
Easter Holidays start tomorrow and will freeze my progress, as most establishments here are closed for most if not all of the weekend. FML. I will try and unwind and relax, since it's useless for me to worry about things that I can't really control.